HOME:  THE ISLAND- BOXING DAY 2004

We’d only been on the island for a month, but it had been bliss. We’d rented this little lodge down by the sea, just James, me, the daily boat and the local wildlife. I loved the sea and especially going out early for the dives, enjoying the mysteries of the deep. And what’s more it felt like home: I had come home. We also couldn’t believe our luck that James had landed his dream job in Paradise. We had just had the best Christmas ever, no family, just me and him safe within our cocoon inside our personal bubble of love where we laid our hearts down together.

And the icing on the cake when James proposed late on Christmas Eve, the air was particularly still and I remembered thinking, this is our special moment. We even scanned the skies for Santa, but he’d already delivered. The rock on my finger said it all.

So it was with a light heart that I kissed my love goodbye on that particular morning. The boat arrived on time with Xavier greeting me with his usual ubiquitous grin. I turned then and took in all of James as if seeing him for the very first time. 

‘Can’t get you to change your mind? ’ I asked rather too half-heartedly. I knew all about his relationship with the sea, a quick dip was alright but immersing himself for hours was not on his ‘to do’ list. He wasn’t a water baby like me. He kissed me then as Xavier rolled his eyes up to the dawn sky which was breaking with much early promise and hurried me onto the boat. We went right out to where the sky touched the sea and James became a tiny waving speck which eventually disappeared. I loved it. I loved him. I dived.

The rest, as they say, is history. I had a brilliant morning, felt a bit off balance at times as if I was being shaken about but put that down to all the recent excitement. Back on the boat Xavier was still smiling but something about him looked different. ‘Bit bumpy,’ was all he said as we headed back.

Then as we closed on where the island should have been it was nowhere to be seen. Xavier circled for a bit. I couldn’t believe it; there was nothing and nobody. I wanted to scream but everything lodged in my throat.

That was ten years ago. I’ve since been back to our ‘home’ to try and rest the ghosts. I see it as it was as I stare out from the boat onto a completely different scene. I meet up with Xavier, he tells me of his loses too. I think of the life that could have been. I remember James as I saw him that last time.  And I know never to take anything for granted- ever. I realise how life can so suddenly be obliterated. And, if ‘home ’is ‘where the heart is.’ I have come home.